Isaiah 41:13 (NKJV)

For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

Thursday, May 31, 2007

reason for celebration

and there awaits at the end of the race, the exact sweetness that one has been longing for, if not more...

ahhh... the faithfulness of God = reason for celebration. complete with Japanese dinner, Riesling, Baileys Choc Gateaux from Dessert Room. thanks guys for carrying on the tradition.

but above all, thank you Lord. for carrying me through and through. not exactly the end of the race yet, but at least there's room for a breather, there's room for a little treat, even in the midst of the gloomy and sorrowful news of departure(s).

transition. exiles.

Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

So near yet so far: inching towards completion

Right in the midst of intense assignmentation, I suddenly thought of Kitaro. Just had to google him up. The fan's website did not disappoint: the short excerpt teased my ears...

I feel like I'm there yet I'm not there. There's chunks and chunks of paragraphs and ideas that needs to be sorted out. Assignments such as these makes me feel like a criminal. Here I am, an unknown undergraduate, taking theories and ideas of big names in the linguistic world and distorting them to suit my study results.

As Hayashishita Sensei puts it, this is purely for assignment purposes.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

answered prayer

God answers prayer differently.

An extension beats submitting crap after pulling an all-nighter. at least I don't have to be panda-eyed tmr.

But I'm still pretending that it's due tmr, as much as my mind psychologically allows me to.

"Just keep swimming,
just keep swimming,
just keep swimming,

Monday, May 28, 2007

in progress?

after a good half day at the desk, i found myself looking for distractions...

ok, maybe not a good half day. considering i took an hour nap, during which my mind was obstinately running. I was up in the heavens, amidst the cloud and all, and there was my Heavenly Father in His throne, and me at His feet. He was unraveling the mysteries about SLA, Markedness Theory, Transfer and Contrastive Analysis Hypothesis... He started off explaining what they are, and He was about to reveal the most amazing mechanism He has designed for our acquisition of a second language...

fantasy? why not?

d battle at hand

my dream... was just a dream.

at least i could strike another test off the list now. 2 more to go. the sun is out. i'm determined to sit down and make myself work through it. Lord, open my eyes to see the wonders of linguistics.

feels kinda like i'm not very well armed for this battle. my supply of ammunition has gone down to almost complete zero. there's no freshly grounded coffee, no yummy eves, no navel oranges, no juicy plums. at least the soymilk tank is quite sufficient. gen-mai-cha is working well as my coffee intervals. until i finished the last round of Mazagran Jazz this morning.

ah well. i trust that God is sufficient for me.

pardon the weirdness.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

d most perfect gift?

right now, the #1 gift i've been secretly dreaming of, is...

that i can go to bed now and have an awesome dream, sleep in tmr, and when i wake up, my 40% ling assignment is miraculously completed and ready for submission, and that won't be just an awesome dream...

dennis got baptised today! so happy for him =) reminded me very much of my own baptism just slightly more than a year ago. tonight was a special baptism service at elim, and it struck me just how much my CG had gone the extra extra extra mile to organise a baptism service, outside normal church services, at a different location, for my baptism. me alone somemore. *touched* thank you Pastor Tony and College CG - really grateful. thinking back, i wished i had spent more time in solitude, in reflection, and just being still before the Lord in preparation for the baptism. isn't it so me to just pack up every hour as much as i can?

i find myself longing for simplicity. i suspect i have been anti-social lately. my apologies. i think retreating is a mere consequence of a lack of quality rest in God. i felt like i needed space. it was a cool night to take a stroll on the streets of Dunedin. the walk took me to the quiet railway, up to the octagon. standing in the midst of bright lights, gazing up into the starless sky, i think i miss the brighter lights of KL. george street looked different at night. the walk was rather uneventful, it was as though God had clothed me with the cloak of invisibility (yea, kinda like harry potter). not tt i expected anything to happen. before i decided to take this little detour, i had peace that i would be protected by legions of angels.

the feeling that there's something more out there that awaits me hits even stronger tonight.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Life as an exile

"By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God" -Hebrews 11:8-10

"Abraham's lesson to me is this: no great faith... no great adventure. If I don't believe God, I am unlikely to follow him far. Adventuring requires that I trust what I cannot see and that I remain confident in the leading and the promises of God, even before I experience their reality. Adventuring demands that I not make myself too much at home in any one place - and that I am willing to move out from that place when he calls. Adventuring asks that I agree with God that this world is not my natural home..."
-Leigh McLeroy (The Beautiful Ache - Finding the God who satisfies when life does not)

no great faith. no great adventure. i'm not sure i'm up for adventures anymore. what used to seem exciting, that so tantalizes, is losing its captivity... or perhaps there's some discrepancy in my idea of an "adventure" and what God has in store for me. girlish dreams of Paris visits, the endless sidewalk cafes, foreign cuisine, lights and music and theatre... i admit i'm a brat.

i rmb once in primary sch, when i first learnt the phrase "si4 hai3 wei2 jia1" (literally four seas as home), it felt like something strike a chord internally. from then on, or even before, i had always wanted to be on the go...

isn't it ironic that the more u walk along the journey, the more u find urself wanting to retreat back after being weathered down by what's supposed to be building you up and sharpening u for more to come? the tension is unfathomable. i catch myself talking excitedly abt what's going to happen, the journeys, the teasing suspense of the unknown future; yet on my own, the fear of uncertainty, the weariness from the usual wear and tear can be rather overwhelming. to the point I'm just throwing up my hands and saying to God, "enough is enough".

and hence the longing for stability, for a time to settle down... i never enjoyed pitching tents, truth be told, and am quite ready to go home. but it's even more frustrating to realise that the home this spirit is longing for, is not one of this world. my globe-trots (which is nothing compared to some amazing stories exchanged at the backpackers) are more tiring than fulfilling!

sometimes i feel so disillusioned. what's going on? where am i going? i'm not sure i knew what was in store for me before i boarded this train. yet, there's no turning back...

but in His grace and mercy, He's opening up my horizons, to see beyond a world where my deepest longings will not be satisfied, where I'll always be left thirsting for more...

"C.S.Lewis once said that if we find in ourselves a desire which no earthly thing can satisfy, the logical conclusion must be that we are made for another world."

i gradually realised long ago that people dun satisfy - not fully; things don't satisfy - not eternally. yet i was sucked in that pithole of looking at people, things to meet my needs, resulting in a lot of unrealistic, non-verbalized yet demanding expectations, inevitably bringing the numbing realization that it's never gonna be.

but there is hope. God's promises are immeasurably more than what we can imagine or ask for. He's the Divine Author of this bestseller we're living. Do we trust Him with the glorious ending waiting in the epilogue, enduring each chapter not as one without hope, but pressing on with perseverance in this journey full of adventures?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Friday, May 18, 2007

antioxidant-containing fibre in my cuppa?!

"...Spanish researchers have found brewed coffees - including espresso, filter and instant coffees - contain significant levels of soluble dietary fibre. 200ml of brewed coffee gives u between 0.19-1.5g fibre and this fibre contains a large amt of antioxidants!

don't forget it also have caffeine and u can have too much of a good thing." -HFG

(source: Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry, Feb 13, 2007)

wow! i want my de-stress cuppa!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

What's going on?

Where is the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night?

Will You not lead me out of this wilderness and free me from confusion and a sense of lostlessness?

Have I been so blinded that Your shining light is no longer the light unto my path?

Will You not spare others and let me walk into the deep blue sea alone?

Will You not remove me from the surface of the earth and let me be gone forever?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Come Home Running

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, "daughter" and "son"
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

-Chris Tomlin

stunned. by His grace. baffled. by His faithfulness. awed. by His majesty. captivated. by His very being.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


I caught myself dreaming, and I'm supposed to be working on my assignment.

Since the past week I've been telling myself through gritted teeth, that there is another world out there. Life is not all about university and getting those degrees. 5 more weeks and I'm done. At least for now. I'm not even thinking about Japan atm.

Apparently this is a common phenomenon. Friends tt's been there, done that, recount of their similar experience. They couldn't wait for Uni to finish. Hang in there, God will get you through... and after u're done u're gonna miss Uni. ugh. i've made up my mind: i'm definitely not cut-out to be a postgrad student. phew.

Is there some fast-forward button I can press?

and so, in this last stretch, i caught myself dreaming of the world outside. any world that doesn't have a twinge of uni (or even any hint of it) would be appealing i reckon.

dreams... will be dreams. sigh. back to my assignment.

Monday, May 07, 2007

internal turbulence

there's so much activity going on underneath the tectonic plates. right beneath our feet, there's lava moving, sculpturing landscape over the centuries.

imagine the bubbling lava in a volcano. on the outside, there's peace and tranquility and ppl often go about their usual agriculture lifestyle, making good use of the fertile volcanic soil. the internal pressures built up in the volcano may rise dangerously to bursting point, but perhaps the grace of God releases the pressure a little... and what could have been really tragic slipped pass unnoticed - the ppl in the vicinity still unaware of what's going deep, deep down in the ground.

it amazes me how much internal turbulence could be going on, potentially harmful. very harmful. and perhaps there are signs from the smoke released out of the creeks once in a while, or the thin line of molten lava forming a golden stream down the mountain. deceptively adding colour to the picturesque scenery but really, a tell-tale sign of danger, peril ahead. yet all these are masked by the overlying perceived calmness, peacefulness and tranquility...

I am no geologist. Lord, have mercy on me.