Isaiah 41:13 (NKJV)

For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

Monday, May 26, 2008

not a normal friday

Cello concert @ 弘前学院大学:


Cellist from Hungary.


i miss concerts. with eyes shut, u can almost let the music carry you to another place. u breathe in, take a sip of imaginary vin blanc, let the imaginary truffle melt in your mouth and a smile of contentment spreads across your face.

spicing things up a little...

二次会 after dinner:

White Russian in background

@ Point Rouge:


Bluemoon @ ash.

i think i might be too lenient with myself. feeling blue seems to be the perfect license for one to tease the boundary a little.

oh. and because it's May too.

Thursday, May 22, 2008


很想去兜兜风, 散散心。

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


noble. almost admirable.


"For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge.
" -Romans 10:2

"It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always and not just when I am with you." -Galatians 4:18

What is truth?

Harp of Burma - Michio Takeyama

"Perhaps they were thinking different thoughts, but as a group their individuality had faded away. Having incited one another with a false show of courage, they could no longer back down. They could no longer take a different attitude. Something other than the will of the individual was making decisions and manipulating the group."

"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. "-Proverbs 13:20


Sensei - The Life Story of Irene Webster-Smith, Pioneer Missionary to Japan

"While there is a pilgrim aspect to her life, this is no purposeless wandering through a desert. Rather, she walks through life with a knowledge of God's immediate presence, One who directs her step by step and Who opens the way before her." (pg 220)

There is still such a long long way to go.

my impediment?

I am still clinging on to many things that I should just let go.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

one of those days

things went wrong. one after another. i feel like i'm being punished. what have i done?

maybe i shouldn't try to do 101 things in just a few hours. everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

maybe i should chill. drop everything and just be still. rushing around everywhere like super sonic didn't get me anywhere. instead, whatever i've zoomed past just dropped/fell or spilled.

and so i was trying to do 101 things to achieve 2 big goals. neither happened.

it's one of those days when you're counting down to a better, brighter day.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

une saison de célébration

it felt like i've just stepped into a season of celebrations...


the next best thing after Baileys latte.

Jasmine waffle.

黒蜜きなこ Waffle

Baileys latte have gone out of stock. Looks like I won't be returning to Jeeba for a while.

plats principaux:

vin blanc. i think i prefer pinot gris.

wine from Bordeaux! our French classmates are from Bordeaux. The way to stop me from refilling my wine glass is to bring out the reds. Not that it wasn't good. I have yet to develop my palette for reds.


Tempting. But I was too stuffed to have anything by the time I got to the 3rd location for the night.

my red carnation ain't lonely anymore.

They were good reasons for celebration. entrée - c'est vendredi! plats principaux - pour moi. dessert - to mark the end of a chapter?

Enjoyable. Good company. Endless indulgence.

But I couldn't help thinking of those who aren't celebrating. Those who are hurting. Of known people and unknown people. Even for those known ones, I haven't begun to understand their sorrows. Some kick and scream and cry. Some don't even dare try. I'm sorry I can't be there. But One far greater, will all your grief and sorrow bear.

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. " -Psalm 68:19

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

simple days are beautiful days. even when the sun isn't shining as much as one would have liked it.

i finally got to sit where i've always wanted to sit!

we shifted...

strong sweet-smelling essence...

...over creamy caramel goodness.

@ Cafe Jeeba.

getting a carnation on Mother's Day was a little surprise mixed with huh??? but a pleasant surprise nonetheless. i seemed to have forgotten what it feels like to receive flowers - i'm no longer on that side of the concert hall. will never be.

the person who should have received the carnation instead. =)

wish u're here, mum.

all other ground is sinking sand

you might not know you're standing on sinking sand until it's been shaken and actually starts to sink. until then, you're probably happy, and even comfortable with the sinking sand. maybe you are aware of some solid rock somewhere. or maybe you even know where to find solid rock. but you're not sure how to make the transition from sinking sand to solid rock. or maybe... you're just not thinking about sinking sands and solid rocks - there's so much other stuff going on!

that's when He allows the sand to sink. and you'll just have to learn to put your feet on solid rock.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand" - this has been running in my head a lot.

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe" - Hebrews 12:28

normal life

what's normal?

will life ever be normal?

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


the good "old" days.

Monday, May 05, 2008


i seem to have a thing for freezing stuff.

one would have thought the look of horror on the Chef's face when I froze all her vegetables during camp was enough to teach me a good lesson.

mum decided to use the frozen tofu anyway. i actually prefer them that way. it's like Chinese "fu chuk".

now... i'm waiting for my kilimanjaro blend to defrost.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


i feel weird.

everything seems fine, normal, even good. the sun is blazing, people are swarming the park still, many have gone away, the ones that remained seem normal. tired, but normal.


yet, i feel weird.

it's all in the perspective huh?

i can dwell on this and confuse myself a bit more before calling it a night, or i can just shut everything out and tell myself to get a grip of myself before going to bed, knowing (or choosing to believe) that things will look better tomorrow.

weird in what sense? u may ask.

weird in the sense that I, too, am floundering. floundering through my fleeting days. Something like Psalm 39:4 -

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. "

Indeed, Psalm 144:4 says "
Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow."

I have a faint suspicion that the blank pages in my journal has a large part to this. Deliberately left blank - as though one has gotten beyond what one can handle without realizing it, hence unable to grasp firmly the days that are slipping right through.

or maybe...

I've just had too much sun lately.

But I think perhaps it's time to pick up the pen again.

Friday, May 02, 2008

French Friday

i finally got to try the infamous french crepes!

they actually didn't differ very much from the pancakes i made few weeks back. but ah well~ who cares?

my French chef made me crepes and crepes they shall be!

i like this photo =)

after a big round of crepes, i needed to walk it off.

i wanted to catch the dawn again but couldn't leave without having done the dishes.

see those picnic ppl under the tree? that's what i'd like to do...

tonight, i've come to terms with the fallen sakuras. but that doesn't mean i didn't try to remember what it was like when they were still around, what it felt like when the petals were dancing around as carried by the rhythm of the wind. Nostalgia stirs up 不思議 impulsive desires within one's heart. If I allow myself to be more spontaneous, to be more carefree, more impulsive... I might be catching the next train chasing after the sakuras.

But who am I kidding? I won't find what I'm looking for.

Anyhow. The tulips are still standing.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Japanese War Literature

this is one of the courses I'm undertaking this semester.

先生 gave an overview of post-war Japan to paint the contextual background for "Bones" by Hayashi Fumiko. one of the things talked about today was how censorship as exercised by the occupation forces after the defeat had deprived the Japanese ppl expressions of guilt and grief. Being able to talk/write about the grief, the guilt, the hunger etc... is a form of therapy denied to them over 7 years of occupation.

Once again, I'm reminded of how essential it is for us to work through the emotions in us. There are bound to be grief, sorrow etc as we journey along this long long road called life. Keeping busy, surrounding oneself with people so that one doesn't think too much isn't a form of dealing with one's emotions. it's escapism. the imagery of a moving train wouldn't go away. Sometimes, events in life kinda prompt one to alight the train so that one can deal with watever issue is at hand. But because this train doesn't really wait around, it just keeps going on, maybe one feels that it's sufficient to just brush things aside, not think about it, and continue the journey on this train. But like Michiko in "Bones", there were moments when she couldn't suppress the tears and memories of her dead husband kept coming back. There's no proper closure. It's left hanging and it comes back to haunt every now and then.

Much as one is reluctant to miss out by alighting, perhaps it's wiser to sort things out before one finds a mushy mess of unfathomable emotions weighing one down even as one tries to keep up with the speed of the train. Be it the 新幹線、特急 or just 普通 trains, it's ok to alight, take some time off, and wait for the next one.

Maybe that's why I felt such a sense of betrayal by the fallen sakuras. They didn't wait for me.


the topic in my Japanese language class today was about what the world will look like 30 years from now.

wrt the Japanese language, perhaps Kanji will phase out with increasing use of foreign words ("外来語"). people might start formulating sentences like this:

"tonight, restaurantでdinnerをeatするんだけど、 youもjoinしない?”
(from my Japanese textbook)

hmmmmm. kinda sounds like my “神様、please 守る Akemi today and 助ける her in her いろいろな endeavours. Give her Your 力and 知恵。”

perhaps one day the English words will phase out from my prayers and they will be completely Japanese. but of course, the syntax and SVO word order will have to change considerably.

perhaps... ppl all over Japan will be speaking the Tsugaru dialect 30 years from now. After all, they did manage to revive the Hebrew language as a mother tongue.

25 degrees Celsius!

i need to take off my skin.

and start storing jugs of chilled coffee.