Isaiah 41:13 (NKJV)

For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Hey, Relax!

i really shouldn't be blogging. no wonder God allowed the internet connection to be off for dayS when all tt needs to be done is to unplug everything and plug them on again. technology simply baffles me.

thanks for the email. i think i needed a good reminder. i had an awesome evening with lish n lyv. stuffed crust pizza. my cravings finally satisfied. it's good to really "let go and let God". we had a really good time of worship n praying. I'm sure God doesn't mind my out-of-tune guitar, my out-of-tune vocal, our out-of-tempo singing. all tt matters is the heart.

really thank God for encouraging emails (thanks ml, really appreciated u giving me ur time - praying for ur exam; and yes, the Hey, Relax!'s really timely as well). sorry to be sending out such emails... need an outlet to vent. hehehehe...

all's good. cos i know God is in control. no matter what happens. God is with me. every single step.

adieu~ next post will prob be end of the year :)

may the grace of God and His peace be with you.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

there's a time for everything

i'm not good with goodbyes. i wonder why it's "good"-bye in the first place. unless of course u're wishing d other person good...

i rmb on graduation day for primary sch, mum came with me. i din allow us to linger any extra second. just took her hand and left once everything ended. i din think i could handle it. i was only 12.

Even before that, I cried my heart out when I made the move from my nanny's place back home. Age? 6.

since then i've got quite some teary farewells. it's amazing how God put ppl into your life and they become a part of you. it had hurt heaps but I've learnt to see farewells in a different light. Even through tears I appreciate the footprints these ppl leave in my life. A very impt person in my life said to me "I'll see you again, the last one being in heaven, but I hope I see you before then". I've always played this in my head as I bid farewell to someone I know I won't see for very long. But a few days ago, when I played tt in my mind, NOT KNOWING if that will stand true, I was dumbstruck. All the missed opportunities... I can only remind myself that God is bigger than my shortcomings and even when I hadn't made good use of d opportunities He's given me, He is Sovereign enough to have a solution to that.

I am a sentimentalist. As i said a few more goodbyes each year, short-term or long-term (prayerfully none eternal), I've come to see how I'll never appreciate the present as much. It's only when u look back retrospectively tt u realise how much this person means to you and how u're really gonna cherish the little things. With that I think farewells are a good thing. Absence makes the heart fonder. When u no longer have something, the more u'll realise how much tt sthing (ok, that someone) means to you. It's definitely better to take leave on a good note rather than be left with an out of pitch melody in memory. But then again, even when the melody is out of pitch, one can always work towards a beautiful harmony again. It takes 2 to harmonize.

Have you noticed how even if you meet again, it's really never the same again? well, except the exceptionals, which are exceptionally few, if they ever come along at all. Yea, ppl come and go. There's always a time to move on. You meet new ppl etc etc etc. But sometimes what you have in your hands is so good you don't really wanna let go. I admit tt's a fear I have. But I have to learn to trust God that as He moves me along this journey, He knows wat's going on and He knows what's best for me (& d other person too i guess).

Sigh. I dun really know what I'm trying to say here. Perhaps we're just too busy. We hecticise our schedules too much and we miss out on really appreciating d ppl ard us. It's not all abt work eh? It's abt lives. Take a moment, slow down, and let the person know how much they mean to you. At least when you look back retrospectively, you know you've tried not to take them for granted. Or when u bid goodbye, really make the time and effort eh. Not in a rushed manner, nor in a "social obligation" mentality. Each footprint is beautifully crafted. Cherish them.

Forgive me if I rush off without giving d opportunity for a proper farewell. Sometimes, I'd rather not go through the heart-wrenching moments... Well, it's not you. I'm just not good with goodbyes.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

wishful thinking

i wish i'm on d next flight home.


d adventure hasn't finished yet...

sometimes u just wish u can close the chapter earlier... but i guess d book is never d same without having gone through those remaining pages of tt chapter...

it comes to the same epilogue anyway, doesn't it?

well, not with full understanding. without which u can't appreciate the whole thriller. bits of missing pieces...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

d grace of God indeed

now tt exams r officially over, i find myself even more tired and drained. how ironic~

"shouldn't u be all hyped up and out having fun?"

well, i cancelled dinner plans the day i finished my last paper. had a tummy bug. stress? dunno. perhaps my body hasn't caught up with my mental in stress management. but i know full well tt's because God's been guarding my mind with His peace. ah~ the peace that transcends all understanding. but then again, i know of ppl tt have been carrying d burden for me. one even had a nightmare of exams. wow~ *big hug for u*

come to think of it, it's like God's been sustaining me with divine strength all this while. i burnt out last sem even b4 exams started. this sem, He carried me through week by week (or day by day even) and especially over the past month. right after the last paper, i am just so drained. like i should have been long time ago if God hadn't been giving me His strength. crazy~ the thought of the past month, and esp. the thriller of last week, sends shivers down my spine. i kinda thought i'll never wanna walk down such a path again, but then i realise it's never gonna get any easier. i guess with each step we take out of the boat, we get to walk on the water with God (actually, i still have yet to read tt book *sheepish*). the most important thing is, God walks with us. He carries us. ain't tt awesome?

there's so much to do. but d machine in me has malfunctioned. bib said i need rest. sabbath. just do watever u like for 24 hours. no more ocf, no more missions, no more ministry, no flat stuff, no nothing! i wish i could. but how can i say no to God? saying no to God means trouble. i sorta recognise tt drained feeling, tt signal for rest. how dare i ignore it, knowing tt tt would lead me into even more serious malfunctioning? but there's so much to do... hmmmmm.

my shoulders, back etc's been aching after baking 2 cakes. bad stamina. heard my flatmate-2-b baked 4 cakes in a row. at a go. wow~ our oven's gonna be busy next year~ i think a 2 bdr flat will be pretty cool. can take out my darling BarVista =)

i will need a good long time-out after Taiwan. before the roller coaster ride starts again in mid-feb. but before tt, let's press on and finish the race well eh?

all praise and glory unto God...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Last paper syndrome

this field is in urgent need of research. i'm convinced there must be some form of diagnosis for the "last paper syndrome". even if they haven't come up with medication for either prevention or cure, at least a medical certification will help (something like... "in view of this last paper syndrome my poor patient has contracted, i urge you strongly to grant her nothing less than absolute grace and leniency in the grading of her paper. with full medical authority, Dr. XXX).

i am trying. really am. but my mind has gone ahead of me. timbuktu maybe.

it's scary to think tt i am gonna step into the battlefield unarmed. well, i know God's grace etc. is with me, even when i don't deserve it, especially when i don't deserve it. BUT, i'm supposed to working alongside Him, not leave Him to do all the work aye?

amazing Grace. how sweet the sound. i guess it is in times like this tt i learn to rely 110% on God.

this time tmr, i'm a free bird. i just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep this lethargy off~

thanks for all the prayers coming this way.