Isaiah 41:13 (NKJV)

For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

Thursday, August 30, 2007

home sweet home?

I've never felt this down when the aircraft landed on Malaysian grounds. Usually I would be excited and the butterflies would dance in my stomach. Although the feeling is short-lived, there still was the initial excitement before I get pulled back down to earth again. This time, just as we were preparing to land, the cloud of darkness that enveloped Malaysia, also casted a net of its dark shadow on my heart. perhaps it has finally sunk in that I've left my safety net and from now on, I'm neither here nor there. But searching deeper, I know that I'll always be neither here nor there, til the day my Lord calls me Home.

thankfully, in His grace, I'm good. Am feeling much better today, and adapting to the differences that I had been expecting. I guess being prepared helps.

thanks for praying for me =)

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


it's been a lot of farewells. I'm usually quite teary at farewells and I was never good at saying goodbyes. However, this round of calmness in me surprised even myself!

Have I become emotionless? Gotten so indifferent towards the heart-wrenching events of the world that my heart has turned cold?

Apart from missing radio rhema, essentials soymilk, maki mono etc... I know it's more about the people, the relationships that have made my life in Dunedin all the more richer. No tears doesn't mean u guys don't matter to me.

in no particular order:

committee 06-07 with our staffworkers Nick and Andrew
i rmb how God was challenging me to prepare the next Joshua and Joshua generation.
my staffworkers - Andrew and Nick, both of whom have invested a lot of time, energy and prayers in me.
Greg Hughson, our most supportive chaplain.

my little sister...

WWJD homegroup:

the gals. (not in photo: Joyce)

the boys.

and the baby =p

couples i hinted to tie the knot before i turn 25:

awesome friends:

from WWJD

right from the start of City Col days~

a very special kiwi friend indeed =)

this "list" is by no means exhaustive. it's hard to catch everyone in the last week and I don't usu take photos. Moreover my camera died on me. If your face is not here, it means that u have yet to send me the photos taken on ur camera! ;p

as i thought about it, i realised that the reason why I'm ok and not all emo this time round, is simply because it doesn't feel like I've left Dunedin at all! it's like one of those hols tt i head up to Auckland, and then perhaps back to Malaysia for longer period hols. Perhaps it hasn't sunk in that I won't see u guys for 1.5 yrs at least. Some, perhaps longer, perhaps never. But more imptly, it's the assurance in my heart that I know you guys are still standing with me and are supporting me as fellow pilgrims on this journey.

Thanks for being a big part of my life in Dunedin and thanks for the ongoing support. Will be back for graduation. Will u still be here? =)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

the time has come

passport finally came back today! =)

i think i am quite ready to leave. OCF is in good Hands, done my last BS with homegroup, shifted most stuff to P&P's, distributed other stuff... yea, there's some little loose ends to tie up tmr, but things are certainly falling into place and I know that my time here is up.

yes, I'm quite ready to go.

I will miss people (OCF, WWJD, church, uni, special ppl etc etc etc), radio rhema, sanitarium's essential soymilk. I will miss life in Dunedin. haven't really gotten emo yet but i think that will come too, either while I'm in Dunedin, or post-NZ when I'm back home.

been brought to the passage of Paul's farewell to the Ephesian Elders in Acts 20 several times. It's really humbling checking against such a rod as Apostle Paul (and I know I am nowhere near). But I pray that one day I may too say that "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." (Acts 20:24)

all for His glory.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


I am painfully aware of my weaknesses. But it is when He highlights my weaknesses, that His grace in still choosing to use me is amplified.

It's in times when you're irked by yourself, that He says "It's ok, I still love you"

In times when you think you're good for nothing, He says "It's ok, in Me you can do everything"

2 different attempts to define grace:

For a poor person in huge debts,

a) a rich businessman comes, clothed and fed the poor person and gave him a job. the poor man will then have to earn enough to pay off his own debts.

b) a rich prince came and married the poor person and paid of all his debts.Then the King of all heaven and earth comes and praises the poor man for all the good things he had done. the poor man stammered "i haven't done anything..." the King replied "but your husband has"

Grace. my Prince came and married me, took away all my debts, washed away all my iniquities, and empowers me for the journey ahead, granting me the use of His Name. Grace.

This illustration stood out in my mind since the day I heard it. Reminded me of my baptism, and the covenant between me and my Lord.

the boundless love, the grace that far exceeds what our minds can grasp...

all praise and glory and thanksgiving unto God!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

packing in process

ugh. the nightmare of every year has started. well, it supposedly started 2 weeks ago but i kinda put it off assuming i have heaps of time and there ain't tt much stuff left.

packing is a process that needs discipline. 2 weeks later and i'm still so unprepared to leave! one reason i was putting things off was cos i din wanna live out of a suitcase. or maybe 2 in this case. but it seems like the more i pack the more there is to pack! it's hard to decide wat to do with all the stuff i have accumulated over the years. selling them off would be economical. but of course, being me, i'm just distributing them to ppl nearest to me.

i think the main reason it's so hard to pack is cos the future remains unknown. ah well~

at least i'm packing just for me. imagine packing for ur family, with 3 or 4 kids running around, and having to pack for ALL of them.


Friday, August 17, 2007

Ecuadorian Night @ OCF


the evening began with thankfulness in the air. as we shared about our day, our week, the grace and mercy of our Father upon us unfolded before our eyes. Doesn't matter if everything else seems to be going out of control, everything is still within His Sovereignty. =) God is good.

Ruth and Josue, TSCF and CECE staffworkers in Ecuador were with us tonight. God certainly multiplied our attempts to make most things Ecuadorian. and of course, as always, the food got the most attention. It was interesting preparing stuff from recipes, not knowing how they're supposed to look like, taste like. Ecuadorian enough or not, they were well received =)

I've had quite a few good "ppl time" today. Quoting from Tim Chester's "Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness" on the topic of "time for myself":

"True personhood is found through relationships... We don't find ourselves on our own. We find ourselves through relationships."

"We were made to serve God and other people. We find ourselves not through "me-time", but through service. Our priority is to love God and our neighbours... We find ourselves by losing our lives."

One thing I've noted is no matter how dead tired I am, God has always given me energy when I'm around people. He's faithfully sustained me when I'm with ppl, and it's only when I'm finally on my own again, that I crash.

Time to crash. Buenos noches!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Homegroup @ Robbie Burns~

I still wish they have the saxophone. but nevertheless it was really enjoyable. good company, good ambience. Cointreau lemonade.

was told there's a study which showed that females taking up to 4 cups of coffee a day have improved short term memory. voila! the end to my misery?

hmmmmm. not quite. feeling much better today. wouldn't wanna waste all that splitting headaches, lethargy, energyless days to plunge right into that sorta reliance again.

with the end of today, it's 10 more days to go.

10 more days.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


my 3rd coffee-free day.

it's hard to admit it's an addiction. i prob have grown reliant on it, but surely i wasn't addicted? u dun see me panting for one every hour ;p

i will be a mere social drinker once i get over the cold turkey =) for now, hot choc @ everyday gourmet's THE way to go.

had a good chat with some wiser, matured ppl today. i'm reminded that i'll always be a 2nd class citizen. perhaps it's time to get used to it and get over it. hmmmm. i wish i have the courage to ask them if they were given a chance to be my age again, what would they have done differently? it's scary to step out into the world and try to live a life tt's different from others. different aspirations, different motivations, different dreams. yet, to be in the world (but not of the world) is of value. life can go on and on and on without u realising something's amiss when u're just too caught up with little things in life. dangerous. or perhaps it's better to stay that way? ignorance is after all, bliss. but then again, won't God knock us off our butts when we're getting too comfy in the couch? hmmmm. tt's if we remain humbly receptive to Him i guess.


Sunday, August 12, 2007

"out of order"

almost had to hang this sign ard me mid-last week onwards.

the rising frustration seem somewhat like Sophie's teething problem. can't really fathom what's going on, can't do much about it.

but. the race isn't finished yet. been told to "let go", but tt doesn't mean i can drop everything altogether. tempting, but i gotta finish the race. right to the very end. for this stretch at least.

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
-Isaiah 46:3-4

Don't think I have gray hairs yet.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

the smell of rain...

...triggered a longing for the sound of thunder.

got booted out of my flat. there wasn't anything in particular i felt like doing. wandering into manna was a dangerous decision. "retail therapy" is merely a euphemism for a lack of discipline.

i found a nice little cafe where i could hide and watch ppl. the lighting's not conducive for reading. a skilfully crafted rosetta caught my breath and i almost changed my cappa into a latte. stuck with the cappa. the coffee looked better than it tasted.

am grateful He held the rain til i got home and took in my laundry. if i could, i wouldn't wanna touch the washing machine again. but if not for the hiccup, i wouldn't have been reminded that no matter what happens, He's in control and He'll sort things out. A very impt reminder as I prepare to head off: I anticipate lotsa frustrations in a foreign environment.

i should allow myself to chill.

Thursday, August 09, 2007


it's weird to feel so so tired and not know why, how, i've managed to tire myself out. i think i might even be surprised tt i'm tired! it's not good going to bed exhausted, then waking up not feeling any better.

i need some down time.

hopefully this isn't chronic. perhaps God is preparing me to hear His word this Friday.

OCF 10 Aug - Sabbath.

What does the Bible say about rest?

7:30pm @ Evison Lounge.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

sch of prayer

1st meeting was tonight. wasn't sure wat to expect...

it may not strike one as particularly tangibly powerful, but wow, once again I'm amazed by Him. How He spoke and tied everything together. The subtlety of it all kinda makes me realise that perhaps He is speaking at all times, through all things but we just haven't given Him the time and space to listen.

Mary chose to listen.

i've got tt silly grin again when i got into the car. it's the same grin when God pulled that Amazing Grace thing for me. =)

one thing i let go tonight: i don't have to feel guilty about not being busy. i can stop filling up my schedule and not feel guilty about it =)

can't wait for the next one =)

"why are u still going for classes?"

my flatmate posed this question to me in a very matter of fact manner when she saw me working on my assignment.

"you mean you wouldn't?"

"of course not"


i've been thinking of stopping for a while now. yet i press on and tell myself that whatever little i learn, i still learn, tt's if i learn at all. the assignments are a way to consolidate what i absorb. but of course when there's no comprehensible input in class, then i'm on my own to decipher the grammar points etc so that i can work on my assignments. it's a good thing ain't it?

"everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial"

in this case, every good thing isn't necessarily beneficial. especially when there are possibly more pressing concerns tt need time to mull over and ponder about. am i robbing these impt matters of the time they're rightfully due?

or maybe... if one pokes through those layers of reasoning... one finds the hidden idolatry of busyness?

i wish things are more straightforward.

Monday, August 06, 2007

novice babysitter

din realise it's such a challenging task to entertain little Sophie. i was quite tired by the end of it, and it's only been 2 hrs!

ran out of baby songs to sing after a while, since my repertoire was quite limited to begin with. After a while I think I got messed up and spoke in different languages to her: Mandarin, Japanese. There was a Malay song too. Can u imagine little Sophie growing up acquiring all those languages? wow! =) Super baby in the making.

parenting is no easy feat. Hats off to P&P. When P said, with a tired face, still coughing and sniffing, that being a mum is really rewarding... I'm reminded once again how gr8 a mum's love for her child is. thanks mum! =)

i need to learn how to change diapers~ and learn more baby tricks!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

feeling jazzy

i've been feeling jazzy since we had roast dinner at A&J's. the only jazz music I have is Christmas jazz. now, i'm feeling Christmasy... i wonder what a Japanese Christmas will be like. Will I finally have my very first white Christmas? =) there won't be mulled wine though. Maybe it's white christmas with ocha! ;p

i've finally started packing (well, i think wat i did today counts)! i think it's the first time i'm this efficient. but trust me, there will be some last minute crazy run around of some sort when the time comes. i'll always be me! =)

wonderful discovery: Perc sells Allpress coffee beans! wow~ a bit pricey though, with that amount I can get another 100g from Mazagran, which will last me for a week. Can't decide which is better. maybe it's paying for that nice looking Allpress tin. hmmmm. i've been advised i must definitely most absolutely bring my coffee plunger to Japan. ok. but how much beans can i bring over la? i should start a "mail-siqin-coffee-beans-from-nz" roster soon. any sign-ups?

fragrance or "busuk"?

In church this morning, Mike Uttley began with the question:

"What's the worst smell for u?"

he went on with:

"What's your fav smell?"

My pillow!

"What does a good smell do?"

"It creates desires, doesn't it?"

My pillow makes me wanna sleep! ;p

I smiled to myself thinking of the very 1st "busuk" I had since... I can't rmb when. Since then there's been a few. No longer called "busuk" but yea... I love the smell of my pillows. and no, they don't get washed very often.


"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumph, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere." -2Cor 2:14 RSV

Christ in us makes us fragrances of the knowledge of him everywhere.

Certainly doesn't feel like it when I get "stop this J-week stuff!" and "Christianity die!" when I was chalking. Why do I feel like I'm more like a stink bomb when I submitted my essay, having written about my faith in Christ in Japanese? I suspect the uneasiness comes not just from the bad grammar I know I've splashed one side of the refill with. J-week was last week. I'm not sure the fragrance of the knowledge of Christ was spread around as much as it should have been. and how exactly should it have spread? like when u break an alabastair jar filled with the finest, very expensive, perfume.

Has the world become indifferent to this aroma or have we stopped being effective ambassadors?

Am I a fragrance? or a stink bomb? but perhaps, it's even worse, if i'm neither.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

confusion gone unnoticed

i'm quite amused by how i operate when i'm agitated, frustrated, unsettled all mixed together in different proportions... to put it more accurately, how dysfunctional I am...

i mentioned in prev post how i got outta bed feeling unsettled.

this morn i got up and opened my devotion guide "Encounter with God". We just started a new series on Joel. I rmb thinking it was weird that the first day's readings should go from 1:1-20 when there's 21 verses to finish the whole book. I thought i'll be diligent and read v21 anyway. well, one should always read in context. how can u read the whole book without the very last verse? it must be there for a good reason. After reading the bible passage a couple of times, i turned to the devotion guide... thought about it, prayed...

it wasn't until this morn when i did qt that i realised, i read OBADIAH yesterday!!!! and to think that i went through the devo guide etc without realising something was amiss...


Friday, August 03, 2007

not just another friday

it's quite amazing how my day turned out...

got out of bed feeling rather unsettled. i suspect it's the few late nights i've been having, and i'm not quite ready to face the full-on day ahead...

yet amazingly, God starting taking things out of my schedule one by one...

even then, i got my certificate of eligibility. turned in my assignment right on time. met up with ppl God didn't remove from my schedule. chatted with ppl tt i needed to.

even more amazingly, He's so awesomely faithful!!!

booked 40 seats for Amazing Grace 3 weeks ago and paid up front. With so many things going on, trying to find ppl was the last thing on my agenda. This morning, there was about 14 seats still available but din really wan ppl to feel obligated to go.

4pm. 11 seats.

5pm. 8 seats.

7pm. 4 seats.

7:05pm. 43 ppl coming!


eventually, 41 showed up. throughout the week, i kept saying (to myself and others) that I'm just trusting God to bring the ppl. It was almost in a defiant tone when I said to God in my quiet times "You are gonna bring ppl aren't You?" but when ppl kept turning me down, at 3pm, i wasn't sure i would get that 11 ppl... and i started preparing myself to get over it.

sigh. me of little faith eh?

the movie was awesome! i was quite dazzled by Wilberforce *silly grin* was on cloud 9 for the rest of the evening. partially the movie, Wilberforce's character, but more imptly, still amazed by how God worked my day out for me and took care of the 40 seats~