Isaiah 41:13 (NKJV)

For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

Thursday, March 26, 2009

"it's not the end of the world"

i wish it is.

He will get me through this.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

paralysing fear

Nights when I went to bed early just to end a not-so-good day faster weren't rare. Usually the mindset was one of: "things will be better tomorrow", or along the lines of "it can't get any worse".

Tonight, I find myself wishing tomorrow wouldn't come so soon. I'm not sure I know how to face tomorrow yet.

Monday, March 23, 2009

trodding on mindlessly or swift decision to turn around?

We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken the wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man. We have all seen this when doing arithmetic. When I have started a sum the wrong way, the sooner I admit this and go back and start again, the faster I shall get on. There is nothing progressive about being pig headed and refusing to admit a mistake. ... Going back is the quickest way on.

- C. S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity"

I stole the above from Blue Forest Soapbox. It's something I'd like to read again and again and let it sink in. Perhaps this is something I'd really like to hear at the moment. That's the problem with human heart - most of us have selective hearing if we'll admit it. The reason why we need a stone to sharpen another stone.

it's one of those days...

...when I felt like slamming my foot down on the accelerator as I drove.

Someone remove me from the road please.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


I once heard a song that so reached the depth of my soul that I wanted to cry.

Recently, I thought about that song. I knew I must have written the name down somewhere. Thankfully, I did. And with youtube and high-speed internet these days, searching for something ain't that hard anymore.

Poliushko Polie by Andre Rieu on his "La vie est belle" world tour.

Listening to this song again transported me back to Takayama. I miss it. It's the almost perfect place for a retreat - where you can clear your mind and breathe properly again. And while this seemingly perfect moment last, it's easier to affirm that "oui, la vie est belle".

only one thing is needed

"you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
-Luke 10:41-42

I think I've come to a point where I don't want to think about anything anymore. Just drop it. Forget everything.

I wish I can go on a retreat. Just hide from this world for a little while and recuperate. Go ahead and spin on without me for a while, I'm sure nothing will change very much.


Only one thing is needed.

I need to realign my perspectives and wait upon the Lord. Easier said than done. I think I need help.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

"life is excruciatingly painful"

I just heard this statement not too long ago.

I suppose when one is in pain, it feels like it's never-ending and there doesn't seem to be any light at all at the end of the tunnel.

In church this morning, momentary excruciating pain wrenched my heart. Perhaps the depth of such sorrow is a thing of the past, whatever struck me was more like an aftertaste. A lingering memory. In an almost unfathomable way, came the memories of exuberant joy. The sort that lifts your spirit up to soar on eagle's wing.

At the heart of this mysterious paradox lies the cross. Excruciating pain on the road to Calvary. Exuberant joy on His resurrection.

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours

Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your Glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

What can we give that You have not given
What do we have that is not already yours
All we possess are these lives we're living
And that's what we give to you Lord

"I Offer My Life"

family past-time

Mum, grandma, aunt, cousin & I sat around iced-milos, milo-kosongs, limau ais & roti telur pisang watching and cheering for Lee Chong Wei in his match against Lin Dan in the Swiss Open Super Series. It's a good come-back from the All England defeat just last week. With the rest of the mamak-ers, we all held on to the edges of our chairs, clapped and cheered for him when he made several good saves.

I felt so Malaysian.

On the way home, my aunt told me I must definitely climb Mount KK someday. Perhaps. After all, I've conquered Mount Iwaki.

"The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

infectious mannerisms

It's interesting how one picks up another's mannerisms if one hangs out long enough with the other.

To my dismay, I caught myself displaying the same mannerisms from someone that had annoyed me. I better watch it, infection often catches one unaware.

On a Tuesday that felt like a Monday

it's one of those days where I felt like apologizing to the world. Not to the world in general, but just almost everyone that came in contact with me today.

on another note, after asking and finding out that I don't really know what I'm doing/what I want to do, someone said to me today :

"You must follow your heart."

"But ain't the heart deceptive?"

"Your mind is deceptive, but your heart isn't."

ok. granted that the argument can go both ways, I can tell where he got his rationale from. Didn't God handcraft each and every one of us individually after all, with all our passions and desires? And when properly channeled, we offer back whatever we have to give Him all glory and praise?

ok. so the next step is...

where can I find my misplaced heart?

Monday, March 09, 2009

restful weekend

I finally get a good 2-days weekend and I am thankful for the proper rest. Nothing is as restful as doing nothing. For once, I have come to appreciate the true gem that lies behind "I didn't do anything". Nope, nothing is wasted and I'm looking forward to the next real weekend I'll have in... May.


Thursday, March 05, 2009


I've been thinking about a lot of things. Like how I'm losing so much of my Japanese I wonder if there's any left. Or how I can't just passively walk ahead and wish things will happen without actually taking proactive steps to make things happen.

I just read somewhere recently that "nothing happens without intentionality". I think I've certain desires which give good intentions - but I need to take one step further and make sure those intentions translate into actions.

Let's hope 3 months down the road I can look back and say - things are changing. For the better. After all, Spring is coming.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


some conversations are just not meant to take place. they're downright discouraging.


Sunday, March 01, 2009

a crying buddy

It hasn't been a particularly bad day. In fact, I've had good meaningful times. Yet as the rain pours and as a few friends share their hearts, I felt like crying with them. It's kinda like a helpless feeling - what can we do? Sure, I will pray, but perhaps I could also cry with you, until our tears are no more and the sun is shining again, the rainbow smiling shyly behind the clouds of grey...

...and then we will pull each other up and continue our pilgrimage on this journey.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
-2 Corinthians 1:3-4