"the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases"
how do we develop steadfastness?
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." -Isaiah 26:3-4
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." -Psalm 51:10-12
Thursday, June 22, 2006
drive therapy
no cc. i haf chosen to remain in my slum. ugh. it wasn't really the rain was it? stubborn, silly girl.
rain subsided. i need to get out. mum graciously consented. it must have sounded dangerous.
"i'm going for a drive."
"when will u be back?"
"i haf no idea."
"don't u want me to come?"
"nah..."
wanted to take some different route other than the one i usually take to church. bad idea. where i had intended to go requires me to go through a super jam stretch. actually, everywhere in town is jam. 4pm.
i expected impatience. none. i calmly turned from road to road, wanting to look for a less packed one. none. but tt's not satisfying. i wanted to speed on a highway.
found myself heading back to my area... almost into melawati... then i turned into the highway. perhaps i can get to jln ipoh and come back frm the town. i drove there once. during my practice drive.
can't find the turning into jln ipoh. i wonder what will happen if i just drive on and on and on? perhaps i'll just come to a dead end. there's heaps of "jalan mmr tutup" signs. or... i might end up calling sos. wait a minute, there's the road leading to genting highlands. i brought my book, journal, coloured pen...
nah. mum will get worried. it's not fair for her.
satisfied?
nah. maybe drive therapy is for guys.
rain subsided. i need to get out. mum graciously consented. it must have sounded dangerous.
"i'm going for a drive."
"when will u be back?"
"i haf no idea."
"don't u want me to come?"
"nah..."
wanted to take some different route other than the one i usually take to church. bad idea. where i had intended to go requires me to go through a super jam stretch. actually, everywhere in town is jam. 4pm.
i expected impatience. none. i calmly turned from road to road, wanting to look for a less packed one. none. but tt's not satisfying. i wanted to speed on a highway.
found myself heading back to my area... almost into melawati... then i turned into the highway. perhaps i can get to jln ipoh and come back frm the town. i drove there once. during my practice drive.
can't find the turning into jln ipoh. i wonder what will happen if i just drive on and on and on? perhaps i'll just come to a dead end. there's heaps of "jalan mmr tutup" signs. or... i might end up calling sos. wait a minute, there's the road leading to genting highlands. i brought my book, journal, coloured pen...
nah. mum will get worried. it's not fair for her.
satisfied?
nah. maybe drive therapy is for guys.
wat's my response?
you can't change the circumstances. but you determine your response.
the feeling word now is: ugh. does this even qualify as a feeling word?
i'm pretty zombified now. din sleep a wink whole tues night. not that i didn't want to. i just couldn't.
wed was a normal day. just like any other day. it's perhaps a bad day for many as torrential rain hit KL when the floodgates of the skies lost their hold. however, it was a beautiful day for me. in my zonkedness, i had a precious moment with the Lord. Precious and sweet.
too bad it had to end. tried to catch some sleep. nah, my body seems to be telling me that it's not gonna happen. or maybe i didn't try hard enough. had a good sharing wf my shepherd. we're in this pilgrim's journey together. thanks for reassuring me that u're always there for me. i kinda felt alone for a while.
night came. i think maybe the wanting to sleep part is stressing me out. i felt tensed. so tensed. about not being able to sleep, yet knowing tt it's essential if i wanna be a "normal" person. yea. a sleep deprived cq is no fun.
2 hrs. can't believe it was only 2:30am when i looked at the time. i was hoping that the night is gone and dawn is here and I'll be up and on the go! darkness. hmmmm. took out my devotion, and the bestseller of all times...
i din dare make any promises abt today's plans. i was wanting to try slumber again. and if i really sleep, i'll let myself sleep to my heart's content...
i slept! for 15 mins. perhaps tt's all i need?
now, i'm wondering if i should head to cc. the atmosphere is gonna be hyped up. exam's over man! time to paint the town red! or should i just stay in the quiet side of the town and continue pondering wat's bothering me?
maybe i do know wat's bothering me. is it ok to chuck it all aside and not think about it? will that be sweeping the rubbish under the carpet? at least dust isn't so obvious. the carpet would outline the form of the rubbish still.
wat is my response? would i choose to Praise Him anyway?
the feeling word now is: ugh. does this even qualify as a feeling word?
i'm pretty zombified now. din sleep a wink whole tues night. not that i didn't want to. i just couldn't.
wed was a normal day. just like any other day. it's perhaps a bad day for many as torrential rain hit KL when the floodgates of the skies lost their hold. however, it was a beautiful day for me. in my zonkedness, i had a precious moment with the Lord. Precious and sweet.
too bad it had to end. tried to catch some sleep. nah, my body seems to be telling me that it's not gonna happen. or maybe i didn't try hard enough. had a good sharing wf my shepherd. we're in this pilgrim's journey together. thanks for reassuring me that u're always there for me. i kinda felt alone for a while.
night came. i think maybe the wanting to sleep part is stressing me out. i felt tensed. so tensed. about not being able to sleep, yet knowing tt it's essential if i wanna be a "normal" person. yea. a sleep deprived cq is no fun.
2 hrs. can't believe it was only 2:30am when i looked at the time. i was hoping that the night is gone and dawn is here and I'll be up and on the go! darkness. hmmmm. took out my devotion, and the bestseller of all times...
i din dare make any promises abt today's plans. i was wanting to try slumber again. and if i really sleep, i'll let myself sleep to my heart's content...
i slept! for 15 mins. perhaps tt's all i need?
now, i'm wondering if i should head to cc. the atmosphere is gonna be hyped up. exam's over man! time to paint the town red! or should i just stay in the quiet side of the town and continue pondering wat's bothering me?
maybe i do know wat's bothering me. is it ok to chuck it all aside and not think about it? will that be sweeping the rubbish under the carpet? at least dust isn't so obvious. the carpet would outline the form of the rubbish still.
wat is my response? would i choose to Praise Him anyway?
jigsaw puzzle piece
i feel like a jigsaw puzzle piece. except that this piece hasn't got the right cut to fit the missing gap. maybe the sides are slowly forming, but it's not the right fit. is there a deadline?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
dreams
dreams are so mysterious. they can reflect ur deepest desires, your worst nightmares, a prophetic vision from God...
lately, i'm more inclined to hope for a prophetic dream. but it never happened. though i know ppl do get prophetic dreams still...
in a span of 2 hrs today, i had 2 friends telling me they dreamt of me. the first one, there are 2 parts. it's amazing how she remembered them... weird dreams they are. made me laugh. hehehehe...
2nd friend. he wouldn't tell me wat's in it. but apparently the dreams were over 2 consecutive nights and they're connected. prophetic vision? hmmmm. or u just missed me too much la. hahaha. anyway, i'm so gonna dig it out of u. don't think u got away k ;p
i think i'm rather amused. i mean, how often do u get 2 friends telling u they dreamt of u in a span of 2 hrs? maybe there's more out there? hehehehe.
i wonder if God dreams. I'm sure if He does, i'm in each and every one of them. yea, though i've been feeling so ultimately insignificant, i know He thinks of me all the time. i wonder how i balance these 2 thoughts. perhaps they're not meant to balance and hence the constant struggle.
Longing for You in my dreams~
lately, i'm more inclined to hope for a prophetic dream. but it never happened. though i know ppl do get prophetic dreams still...
in a span of 2 hrs today, i had 2 friends telling me they dreamt of me. the first one, there are 2 parts. it's amazing how she remembered them... weird dreams they are. made me laugh. hehehehe...
2nd friend. he wouldn't tell me wat's in it. but apparently the dreams were over 2 consecutive nights and they're connected. prophetic vision? hmmmm. or u just missed me too much la. hahaha. anyway, i'm so gonna dig it out of u. don't think u got away k ;p
i think i'm rather amused. i mean, how often do u get 2 friends telling u they dreamt of u in a span of 2 hrs? maybe there's more out there? hehehehe.
i wonder if God dreams. I'm sure if He does, i'm in each and every one of them. yea, though i've been feeling so ultimately insignificant, i know He thinks of me all the time. i wonder how i balance these 2 thoughts. perhaps they're not meant to balance and hence the constant struggle.
Longing for You in my dreams~
giraffe vs cow? giraffe-cow?
for those of you that know me, u know of my errrr... liking (no, it's not obsession) for giraffes. they are really beautiful creatures indeed and i marvel at the creativity of the Almighty which i think is sadly lacking in me (didn't He make me in His image?).
ok, i admit i haven't seen a real one up close n personal before. ml had the privilege to do tt when she was in kenya. sim too~ he actually fed one and wrote as caption to tt photo "feeding cq". *envious* it's ok, i know my day will come. God is gracious.
i'm born in the year of Cow in the chinese calendar. too bad they haven't got any giraffes in the chinese calender. who knows in tt split moment i was brought into this world it was actually a fast, flashing "moment of the giraffe"? hehehe.
dad used to call me all sorts of endearment with some cow relations in them. until i was old enough to get real embarrassed when he did tt in front of my friends and mom told him to stop. it took a while but eventually every traces of cow in my names went away.
it just struck that ppl were always complaining that my giraffes look like cows. some even mistook them for cows! i mean, which cow has yellow skin n brown patches all over? but then again, which giraffe has short necks and cow-looking faces?
wat a giraffe-cow/cow-giraffe tension.
won't you love the giraffe too as you love the cow?
ok, i admit i haven't seen a real one up close n personal before. ml had the privilege to do tt when she was in kenya. sim too~ he actually fed one and wrote as caption to tt photo "feeding cq". *envious* it's ok, i know my day will come. God is gracious.
i'm born in the year of Cow in the chinese calendar. too bad they haven't got any giraffes in the chinese calender. who knows in tt split moment i was brought into this world it was actually a fast, flashing "moment of the giraffe"? hehehe.
dad used to call me all sorts of endearment with some cow relations in them. until i was old enough to get real embarrassed when he did tt in front of my friends and mom told him to stop. it took a while but eventually every traces of cow in my names went away.
it just struck that ppl were always complaining that my giraffes look like cows. some even mistook them for cows! i mean, which cow has yellow skin n brown patches all over? but then again, which giraffe has short necks and cow-looking faces?
wat a giraffe-cow/cow-giraffe tension.
won't you love the giraffe too as you love the cow?
bed rest
"woman, u remind me of those patients that like to wander around the hospital or try to escape all the time even though they were specifically ordered bed rest by the doctor. tsk tsk. "
Yest morn I woke up with my bones aching all over. I felt like an old granny eh. Cancelled all appointments for the day. I din think it was anything serious. Until I slept til I couldn't sleep anymore, just to take some medicine and wait for the medicine to take effect and knock me off again. In total, I was awake for no more than 5 hours yesterday...
I'm feeling much fresher today. After sleeping half the day away. Already the "stuck at home" feeling is getting into me. and it's only been 1 day! i'm itching to get out. got mum to bring me to pasar malam at air panas market last night though my body wasn't really up to it. imagine me in a jacket in KL! gosh. i'd prefer mum to bring me for a night drive though, into the city of KL. I'm always attracted to the night lights. plus i'd rather not walk last night. old bones.
so, is this the sorta rest i'm supposed to be taking? hmmmm. suddenly it feels like i've forgotten how to really rest. wat's rest? how does one rest? does sleeping and being confined in bed all day count as rest? can't rest be more constructive? like a good book in a sbux comfy couch? or maybe i've never really know how to rest in the first place...
Lord, is this the kinda bed rest You have in mind?
may I find my rest in You...
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