I'm not sure I know where to begin. I seem to go blank a lot these days. Things have changed so much. For one, I'm not sure if the title of my blog should still remain. There's truth in it, so I guess I'll keep it until something else comes up.
So here I am in Auckland for Chinese New Year. Am I waiting, searching or running away? There are a few things I need to seriously think through I suppose. But sometimes I feel like I no longer have the energy, or whatever it takes, to do what is right. Left on my own, I am a mere sinner. A pathetic, helpless sinner.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
-Romans 7:15-20
Why do I feel like I am trying to justify myself?
Anyhow...
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my member. What a wretched man I am!" (Romans 7:21-24a)
I suppose it does help to know that someone I look up to have felt the same way too. And better yet, he knew the answers:
"Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
(Romans 7:24b-25a)
"So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." (v.25b)
I've allowed the heavy chains of sin to tie me down in bondage.
But I am no longer a prisoner, am I?
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (8:1)
"the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (8:6)
I've always liked this song:
"My chains are gone, I've been set free,
My God, my Saviour has ransomed me.
Like a flood His mercy rains,
Unending love, amazing grace."
I quote Yancey in his book "Reaching for the Invisible God":
"Transformation comes, in the end, not from an act of will, but an act of grace. We can only ask for it and keep asking."
Lord, help me.
2 comments:
Although you're being awfully vague, it's good to hear from you again. :)
I feel like I should say this:
no temptation has over taken you except what is common to man, and God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
if we confess our sins is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
...we all had hard times in jp. I've made more mistakes here than I care to admit.
God saw us threw those times. And even if whatever is happening now is 1000 times worse, He'll be with you through that too.
So what will happen now? The same thing that happened before, God'll provide. I guess you know that already. ;)
Whether that's next week or next year, let us know how it goes. We'll be praying. Take care.
thanks! ur reply reminded me of this song we sang in English fellowship once:
"We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives
Chorus:
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift though all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find"
and...
"Grace will lead me Home..."
I miss singing hymns with u guys.
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