"Do you get attach?"

On the very final day of a 3.5-weekends journey, I was posed this question.

"No..."

It's only been 3.5 weekends! Of course not! But something struck and I finished my answer truthfully:

"I don't allow myself to."

What revelation. So I learnt another thing about myself. Probably not something very new but it's not something I thought I'd have to face at this point of time.

With the ongoing mobile lifestyle, perhaps it's already ingrained in me that I don't expect to settle down. Or maybe, much as I want to, I can't. Don't know how to. Perhaps my mind tells me I'm here for a while, but subconsciously I hold people at an arm's length. So that when nobody misses you, it doesn't hurt, and when you have to tear yourself away it's not too difficult. After all, we're all pilgrims on the road, and hopefully, if we don't ever meet again here, we'll meet again in heaven.

On the other hand, I've learnt to connect deeply in a short period of time. I thank God for the deeply meaningful, hence, rich, friendships I have. But nothing lasts. People come, people go, we all move on.

Deep meaningful relationships are very enriching. Unfortunately, humans are very apt at hurting one another. Love hurts. Another revelation. It's crazy that the people you love most are the ones that hurt you the most. The people you allow to come closest to you are the ones you're inviting to pierce a sword through your heart. It's even more crazy that when you love someone, you end up hurting that someone. Forget the warm fuzzy feelings (I was told it's never about that in the first place) - love is cross-shaped, love til it hurts ya.

3.5 weekends. Much as I didn't allow myself to get very attached, if any at all, there was still a sinking feeling.

"but have not love"

Have you loved today?