some thoughts

Often we look for that "stirring of the heart" and emotional shaking before we recognise that God is speaking to us. But we really can't depend on that all the time can we? God is still speaking whether or not you feel that cut in your heart...

I know God has been nudging me hard on a certain issue. But i just left it hanging for quite a while cos I din really know what to do. Ya, i try to seek God and I ask Him but then He showed me some other stuff that threw me off guard and by the time i recover from that, i realised i'm back to square one of the original problem tt got me seeking Him more in the first place. hmmmmm. but it remains a problem nonetheless.

I'm amazed at how i can tell ppl that i recognise the problem but i just shrug it off as "it's my struggle..." or "i've been struggling for a while and i'm still wrestling with it..." yet i do nothing to really deal with the root of the problem. But then again, i doubt i even know what the root of the problem really is...

"ask God for a sign..." someone suggested.

I'm not sure eh. What if He shows me something else and brings me into another round of ups n downs and by the time i'm settled again, decisively submissive to His will, and then i realised, hey, there's the original problem again! Feels a bit like "cow's head don't match the horse's mouth" (direct chinese translation) but I can't say that abt God cos He certainly knows what He's doing!

I thought i should take one step forward and see what God says. But somehow that step forward didn't really help. At least not at the level of which i'm conscious of. In the end, i realised that God has been speaking all the while. Just tt I'm not too sensitive to be aware of that. No stirring of the heart, no emotional shake-ups, and i remain oblivious to His gentle nudges. No wonder many times He throws me into the deep blue sea just so that I'll be more aware of Him! But even in that deep blue sea, I know my God is with me. Or rather, in that deep blue sea, I am more aware of my God's love for me.

I've had a few meaningful conversations for the past 2 days. These meaningful conversations are really encouraging eh. It's not like they really offer you any advice or anything but just talking to others and knowing that they'll be praying for you helps you to know that you're not in this alone. We're part of the Family. We're one body. in Christ.

I guess i gotta learn to hear God in the stillness. And not just look for Him in the emotional hypes. For that, I need to be still before the Lord, and let Him speak...