"Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD..."

CCG had our very first prayer event tonight. I was pretty tired actually. Not so much physically (though I haven't really been sleeping enough) but more of... just tired?

To be truthful, I went out of obligation.

But I was asking God to deal with my attitude. If I'm gonna go anyway, whether or not I feel like it, I might as well ask God to change my heart so that He can make the most of it for my sake...

We started off with worship. I enjoyed the simple, accoustic worship... worship where u can just shut your eyes and reach out to the Lord... Not that you can't on other days, but sometimes you just need something simple...

Greg went on to share about the Lord's prayer... I only got that bit about forgiveness... Maybe cos i mentioned it during OCF last fri...

and we broke up into 3 groups. My first station was "contemplative prayer". Wasn't too sure what to expect. Was kinda thinking there'll be lotsa thinking n reflection involved... Michelle read a passage from a book to us, and got us to write down all our barriers to hearing God. Man, I had heaps to write! Heaps of distractions! OCF, worries, LING 231, assignments, LING 214, tests, JAPA 231, OCF, names of ppl, more OCF, names i didn't dare write, OCF... you get the idea. We crumpled tt paper filled with our distractions and threw it into the bin and for the next 10 minutes, sat in silence.

"God, speak to me..."

silence.

"God, what are you saying?"

silence.

silence.

more silence.

yet, in the stillness, with some background noise from the other grp in the far end, a yawn from my right... I knew that I was really sitting there, waiting for Him... there weren't as many noise in my mind, weren't as much wandering thoughts...

Next station.

Praying for each other. Got into groups of 5 and we shared about who we are and our prayer requests. I asked to pray for my fears. B is going to the states for 2 weeks and I'm scared. Not sure what of, but there's fear in me. For some reason, I was kneeling. The rest were all sitting on the floor. Towards the end of the prayer session (we actually went overtime) I started having pins and needles on my legs. Din wanna shift my position cos I din wanna break that moment of prayer... When we ended, the rest of the group were already leaving for the 3rd station: Prayer walk. I stood up... and fell to the ground.

There was pain. I think. I was confused actually. Pain + pins and needles. I couldn't tell which was which! and of course, I felt stupid. I mean, who falls from standing up? I'm sure I'd make headlines in the church bulletin. Thank God it's the beginning of the month. They won't remember this when they publish their next monthly newsletter...

I couldn't stand. It was hurting quite a lot, especially when the pins and needles start to subside. My left ankle's been my weak ankle since high school but it's been good for quite some years now. But i knew I hurt it slightly during Sunday evening worship. Just so slightly that I didn't take much notice.

It just got worse and worse. Someone brought ice wrapped in a tea towel. I elevated my ankle (imagine me lying on church floor, left leg up on the long bench). Val applied pressure on my ankle with ice. IT WAS HURTING SO MUCH... I was trembling. But in that searing pain, I just felt calm. I knew that God is in this. He allowed it to happen.

I've always been real bad when dealing with physical pain. I remember there was a time when I felt so much pain that I thought I was gonna die. Seriously. I was just telling my mum again and again that I was in pain. But there was nothing that she could do. I was under observation so the doctors couldn't give me pain killers. I cried and cried until there was no more tears left. Or maybe I realised that crying wouldn't really help.

This time, I didn't cry. Not until we ended the prayer event with worship, and God told me that in my pain, He is my God. That assurance was so comforting, it surpassed the pain in my ankle. For some reason, I knew that my sprained ankle was to focus my attention to how GOD is above my pain, and He is above my fears...

B walked me to the link. Met up with M, went through her assignment, trotted home at 11pm. It's a cold night. I had to walk slowly. Perhaps this is God's way of slowing me down, of dealing with my hurry sickness.

I thought about how when I was in Spore, I always went to this doctor for my sprained ankle, just because he's nice and calls me "princess". I guess when you've been away from home at age 13 it makes you kinda desperate for some fatherly kindness deep in your heart. Walking along the quiet streets of Dunedin, I hear my Abba in Heaven saying

"My precious child, Be STILL and KNOW that...

I AM GOD."

(Ps 46:10)