weird

i feel weird.

everything seems fine, normal, even good. the sun is blazing, people are swarming the park still, many have gone away, the ones that remained seem normal. tired, but normal.

seem.

yet, i feel weird.

it's all in the perspective huh?

i can dwell on this and confuse myself a bit more before calling it a night, or i can just shut everything out and tell myself to get a grip of myself before going to bed, knowing (or choosing to believe) that things will look better tomorrow.

weird in what sense? u may ask.

weird in the sense that I, too, am floundering. floundering through my fleeting days. Something like Psalm 39:4 -

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. "

Indeed, Psalm 144:4 says "Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow."

I have a faint suspicion that the blank pages in my journal has a large part to this. Deliberately left blank - as though one has gotten beyond what one can handle without realizing it, hence unable to grasp firmly the days that are slipping right through.

or maybe...

I've just had too much sun lately.

But I think perhaps it's time to pick up the pen again.