there were chunks of thoughts throughout the trip that I wished I could have shared with someone. I remember the time I was travelling London mostly on my own, making my way to Dublin and back... it was really good. but it was somewhat dissatisfying not being able to share right there and then what you were enjoying or processing through. it's different even if u try to tell someone else after u've been through it. the person wouldn't really understand. besides, ppl that are patient and willing to hear u out from the beginning to the end are hard to come by (Jane - ur bro rocks!).
Otaru was beautiful. Sapporo did excite me, as most big cities would, but it's the smaller character towns that steal my heart away. I didn't do any homework before, just left everything to friends organizing the trip. It was a pleasant surprise to find that Otaru's attractions are its beautiful glass and music boxes =)
Jewellery and glass accessories were aplenty. as I examined some dazzling cross pendants, i remembered the tiny cross sitting in my wallet. the chain had broken some time ago. i never really thought about replacing it. the sparkle of the crosses on display - a grand display it was - seemed to be smirking at me with the question "why display such a dazzling pretty cross on ur neck when u can't even carry ur old rugged cross?"
there was a long line queuing to have their photo taken with this cross. just the day before, i was told how the Japanese were mostly born with Shinto rites, have weddings in churches and finish their life cycles with Buddhist funeral rites. It's not fair to generalize I guess, but that's what religion means to the majority. People would often choose to go with Shinto weddings because it's the cheapest. But aren't big beautiful churches built and decorated for a mere style of marriage hollow empty shells?
i finished dead women walking by jennifer su over the train rides. it certainly evoked lots of thoughts - i had to put it down a few times to breathe. it got a little confusing sometimes. when i first came to Japan i had thought Japan didn't look very different from Taiwan. reading dead women walking seemed to have teleported me back to taiwan, yet as I looked up for a breather, the scenery flying past threw cold water over my face. it was almost a sense of eerie-ness that the snow-covered mountains of Hokkaido instilled. as if behind that peaceful tranquility, lurks something else... buried deep within the busy lives of those caught in the hustle-bustle, is something brewing quietly, working in the unknown realms as ppl get too tired, too busy, too sucked into things that are seemingly impt to be aware of...
it also made me wonder... perhaps i'm not too different from the women described in the book. not that i have experienced the depth of pain and abuse they've been through... but there were very faint traces of similarity... from which i've been perhaps trying to run away from, to give up a part of me and embrace something else? but i've been warned that although one may be ready to assimilate, there's a tendency to gravitate back to ur very roots, to what makes u u...
holidays. i thought i love holidays. i probably do. but suddenly i caught myself wondering... what am i doing here? what am i supposed to do here? it was hard to swallow seeing my family photo taken over CNY on my cousin's blog. we took one of that the last time aunt's family from Auckland came back. this time, my face's not there. i'm not the only one though. another cousin's in holland. but at least he got to go back for a while. it was harder when mum asked "so are u coming home for the hols?". and i know it's very possible. what am i doing here?
candles. i've just recently picked up this new practice. the soft flickering, warm soft glow is rather soothing. perfect way to fall asleep with some Kevin Kern music on...
1 comment:
I've travelled a lot, the same question that you were thinking, "what am i doing here?", always popped up. To think of others while you're enjoying yourselves shows that you still care for them and will always remember them...this is how your heart feels...
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