longing just to bring, something that's of worth, that will bless Your heart...
You search much deeper within, through the way things appear, You're looking into my heart...
I coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about YOU, it's all about You Jesus...
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it,
when it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus...
This has been playing in my mind for the past couple of days... especially the part "all is stripped away"...
I've been feeling really tired, really drained... and there had been times when I felt that I just don't want to go on anymore, not because I can't, not because the Lord can't sustain me, but just because I'm that stubborn little girl, merajuking before the Lord.
"Lord, I'm tired."
"Lord, I can't go on..."
There's been countless times, when I just feel so empty after OCF. Was it because I've been totally drained and there's no more of me left?
Last night, OCF had our final meeting for this semester. It was a good night really. Turn-up was more than usual. More than I had expected, considering it's nearing the exams. Ppl were really generous with their praises for how OCF has been doing so far. I thank God that these ppl have enjoyed OCF but I wonder... what does the Lord say?
It's hard to keep on working, yet your goal is not a tangible product. Your "success" is not measurable and you don't really know how you're faring... I guess it's even harder when you don't know what you're really aiming for and it's always not good enough, and there's always more you could have done to make it better...
It's just the final week. Press On! Many ppl tell me I should be thankful that I finish on thurs. I know. I want to be. But somehow I see the next stretch, with higher mountains, deeper valleys. I'm not too keen eh.
Had the Phatties over for our lifegrp meeting. I really enjoyed the guitar-worship thing. It just brought me back to the living room of Pastor Tony's house where College CG meets every Fri. Though it felt not as familiar as before when I went back, but I remember the fragrance of community. As we worshipped and had a time of prayer and allowing the Lord to speak to us, I just felt that sense of "it's not about you, it's about Him"...
Perhaps He's wanting me to strip everything away and look upon Him. Perhaps it's time to re-focus and re-align, it's been too much about myself, my tiredness, my studies, my...
He reminded me that the chief end of me, is to praise Him and to enjoy Him forever. I am made for Him. He loves me. This ministry is not mine but it comes from Him and therefore I do not lose heart. It's HIS ministry. And Jesus has given us life - life in abundance in Him! We have the spirit of Sonship, and we cry out "Abba Father" and His promises for us are "yes" and "amen"!
Lord, can You please bring me back to the heart of worship?
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