who understands the heart of a father?

No one, except the Father Himself.

and only the Father Himself understands that searing pain I've just seen.

I didn't do very well today. Just when I thought things are heading uphill and ppl are telling me that some things have changed, in me...

Not that that ain't true. In fact, it IS true - and it is only through trials and challenges that those changes get tested, refined, and strengthened.

So what if I didn't fight my battles very well today? So what if I feel kinda bla now? I will still choose to go to bed and end the day praising Him.

I still don't have many answers. I don't have any answers in fact. I still don't know what to do. I am tempted to give in and crumble - but that, is learned behavior. Instead, I will rise, because He has called my name. I will rise on eagle's wings:

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

"I Will Rise" - Chris Tomlin

As someone puts it, I'm no longer a Kancil. I'm a Humvee. just found out that's short for High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle.

Tomorrow is another day. I'll do better tomorrow. In Him, I will.