wishful thinking

i wish i'm on d next flight home.

but...

d adventure hasn't finished yet...

sometimes u just wish u can close the chapter earlier... but i guess d book is never d same without having gone through those remaining pages of tt chapter...

it comes to the same epilogue anyway, doesn't it?

well, not with full understanding. without which u can't appreciate the whole thriller. bits of missing pieces...

d grace of God indeed

now tt exams r officially over, i find myself even more tired and drained. how ironic~

"shouldn't u be all hyped up and out having fun?"

well, i cancelled dinner plans the day i finished my last paper. had a tummy bug. stress? dunno. perhaps my body hasn't caught up with my mental in stress management. but i know full well tt's because God's been guarding my mind with His peace. ah~ the peace that transcends all understanding. but then again, i know of ppl tt have been carrying d burden for me. one even had a nightmare of exams. wow~ *big hug for u*

come to think of it, it's like God's been sustaining me with divine strength all this while. i burnt out last sem even b4 exams started. this sem, He carried me through week by week (or day by day even) and especially over the past month. right after the last paper, i am just so drained. like i should have been long time ago if God hadn't been giving me His strength. crazy~ the thought of the past month, and esp. the thriller of last week, sends shivers down my spine. i kinda thought i'll never wanna walk down such a path again, but then i realise it's never gonna get any easier. i guess with each step we take out of the boat, we get to walk on the water with God (actually, i still have yet to read tt book *sheepish*). the most important thing is, God walks with us. He carries us. ain't tt awesome?

there's so much to do. but d machine in me has malfunctioned. bib said i need rest. sabbath. just do watever u like for 24 hours. no more ocf, no more missions, no more ministry, no flat stuff, no nothing! i wish i could. but how can i say no to God? saying no to God means trouble. i sorta recognise tt drained feeling, tt signal for rest. how dare i ignore it, knowing tt tt would lead me into even more serious malfunctioning? but there's so much to do... hmmmmm.

my shoulders, back etc's been aching after baking 2 cakes. bad stamina. heard my flatmate-2-b baked 4 cakes in a row. at a go. wow~ our oven's gonna be busy next year~ i think a 2 bdr flat will be pretty cool. can take out my darling BarVista =)

i will need a good long time-out after Taiwan. before the roller coaster ride starts again in mid-feb. but before tt, let's press on and finish the race well eh?

all praise and glory unto God...

Last paper syndrome

this field is in urgent need of research. i'm convinced there must be some form of diagnosis for the "last paper syndrome". even if they haven't come up with medication for either prevention or cure, at least a medical certification will help (something like... "in view of this last paper syndrome my poor patient has contracted, i urge you strongly to grant her nothing less than absolute grace and leniency in the grading of her paper. with full medical authority, Dr. XXX).

i am trying. really am. but my mind has gone ahead of me. timbuktu maybe.

it's scary to think tt i am gonna step into the battlefield unarmed. well, i know God's grace etc. is with me, even when i don't deserve it, especially when i don't deserve it. BUT, i'm supposed to working alongside Him, not leave Him to do all the work aye?

amazing Grace. how sweet the sound. i guess it is in times like this tt i learn to rely 110% on God.

this time tmr, i'm a free bird. i just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep this lethargy off~

thanks for all the prayers coming this way.

Mid-Autumn Festival~

i feel like i'm suffering from the aftermath of a whirlwind. indeed i've been swept by a whirlwind today. things are just happening so fast that i'm kinda being teleported from one place to the next. when lish asked me what i did today, i just can't remember... maybe it's a sign of ageing...

i guess maybe i'm quite tired. brain shut down d. maybe i shld head to bed early. but it doesn't feel like i've been productive. with the exams looming near, productivity is of course measured by how much studying/assignment i've done... ugh.

it's the last ocf in evison lounge this year. wow. one year has passed. next week's grad's dinner's somewhere. more than a year ago, when i decided to serve God in ocf, i couldn't imagine myself heading to evison lounge every fri. but at the same time i also had this feeling that ocf is more than a one year thing. now tt we've just had our 2nd last ocf meeting, it just struck me tt it's been more than a yr now! God has kept me faithful and yes... I am still going on... by His grace.

2 Corinthians 4

(v1) "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart."

(v16) "Therefore we do not lost heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

(v18) "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

these are some of the verses we looked at at the beginning of the year with Val. I've definitely had my ups n downs and there's bountiful good lessons throughout the year. It's really on looking back that I saw more clearly how He has walked me through the journey:

be it in a quiet pasture, or by a gentle stream,
the Shepherd of my soul is by my side...
Should i face a mighty mountain, or a valley dark and deep,
the Shepherd of my soul is by my side...

An Evening In Prague. the beauty of Prague at night captivated me and i couldn't help myself. "A symphony tapestry of worship". it's really cool... symphonic band christian music. the time i came to know Christ and accept Him as my Lord and Saviour was abt the same time i was leaving TKGSSB. I rmb being totally drawn into Michael Card's "Ancient of Faith" Overture. in my mind i imagined us playing that piece, and u hear the timpani... and... wow... it's kinda like music conveying the majesty of God...

hmmmmmm... i'll just head to bed and dream about my evening in prague...

Happy Birthday Bomi! :)

cure 4 jitters: Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10

i got up this morning not ready to face the day. i felt kinda jittery and d long list on today's agenda seem to generate some funky rhythm for the dancing butterflies in my stomach. mind u it's a totally out-of-sync dance. wanting to get things sorted out asap, i was gonna contact quite a few ppl, set appointments, make certain arrangements in my 1 hr break but my phone isn't working. ugh. more butterflies. so i tried half-heartedly to turn to His word instead, with my mind still on my agenda... but i knew i've got to get to the root of all this when i started pouring my freshly pressed peru into a cup already filled with water.

reading the Word then would be like fulfilling a daily routine. my heart wasn't prepared, my mind's everywhere. instead, i was directed to just sit still... and breathe. some worship music came on slightly later...

tt did me good. i headed out again and tho many things were still not quite settled, and things din seem to get any better... at least i got rid of the jitters. no more butterflies. more peace. more trust in God, who knows wat's in store for me ahead in d day...

finally when i next got back to my room, i was more ready for His word. perfect timing indeed. His word spoke right to my situation. No, there's no heart racing, no special feeling, no tugging of the heart nor any erm... anything abnormal. But by faith, in the stillness of the air, i knew God was speaking to me. Slowly, things got ok. Though some things didn't turn out the way i had wanted, it's ok. God is in control...

"Be still and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10

In all His graciousness, our application for grant for SLC has been approved!
Praise be to the Almighty, awesome, superb God we have!
Thank You Lord Jesus~

comfy reading armchair needed

given the rate i'm doing my readings, i'm not sure if i can submit my assignment this fri eh...

hmmmm. perhaps it's time to pray for an extension?

it's hard to sit still and read for hours. 2 hrs later i'm still trying to plough through those chunk of words and praying tt sthing will formulate in my mind tt i can write abt... my mind wandered and i can't help thinking how nice it would be if i have a nice comfy reading armchair, where i can lean back and snooze off... no no, of course i din mean tt. with a good cuppa next to me, highlighter in hand, i reckon i'd be more productive eh.

d best candidate in mind thus far: this dark blue-cushioned, wooden armchair, with a tall reading lamp next to it. i believe it's currently situated somewhere in a small corner of this world known as Simei in the tiny island of Singapore ;p either tt or it's gonna be. oh yea, i'll have the company of pooh too~ tt's if he's gracious enough to allow me to have his seat... *waves of nostalgia*

ok, i admit this is quite random. but i need to get away frm my readings for a while...

bear with me.

turning into a brat

i'm getting so pampered...

yesterday, i had one of the most yum nasi briyani. home-made. delivered to my doorstep somemore. feel so loved and blessed...

but the pampering didn't end there.

after a night of assignments and as my eyes start to blur and words seems to fuse among themselves... i got the most yum banana cake and scone delivered to my doorstep too. kept the banana cake for today.

today, it's upside-down pineapple cake, choc cake + yest's banana cake for brunch.

i dun even have to walk to church at night in the cold~ how sweet is tt? but... the best is yet to come...

2 angels brought me to countdown, got ingredients for a meal (i've got a very sad store of food) and before long, the aroma of chinese style chow mien started steaming frm my kitchen. 2 of them skilled MPSS ppl somemore! am i blessed or am i blessed? i dun even have to do the dishes!

i was just wishing tt mum's here. like maybe she can take 2 weeks off, fly here and yea... take care of me. it's possible. but God sent me His angels...

really appreciate it guys...

(Tony Anthony @ Dunedin OCF)